Self-help gurus preach this religiously. Any blogger who quit their full time job will tell you this until they are blue in the face. This concept, cultivating passion, has merit even though it has progressed far on the path towards cliche oblivion. Yet I have become increasingly convinced I have truly discovered mine even though I do not yet see how I can grasp it.

I have long known that my love for history far exceeds that of any normal person. Thus, it made sense for me in college to change my major to history with the goal of eventually teaching. College, though, now stands at distance of more than a decade. If I knew back then, why write about it now?

After graduation, I took a more pragmatic path, a safer approach. I chose to specialize in both social studies and English Language Arts in my teaching degree program. Education offered more ELA positions than social studies. I figured that since I also loved reading and writing, ELA would be a good fit. I had no chance to test that theory though. The economy took a nosedive and the principal at my student teaching school could no longer offer me a position. Back at square one, I sent resumes to every middle school principal in Greenville County, mentioning my Spanish-language skills. I ended up accepting a job teaching Spanish, a position I was ill-prepared for and a subject I had personal love for but as I was quick to discover, little love for teaching.

When I returned to teaching, I once again adopted a pragmatic approach. I applied to every position for which I had qualification including a few for which I would have needed a couple more graduate classes and another PRAXIS exam. I applied for positions from elementary school Spanish (that particular certification is for K-12) to high school social studies. When I ended up back at my student teaching school, a near-perfect full circle, I thought.

I arrived at school rusty from time away and uncertain how to teach ELA standards with which I had no familiarity. (The standards had been rewritten since I finished student teaching thanks to the introduction and subsequent abandonment of common core.) I thought my unease stemmed entirely from the long time out of the classroom.

Throughout that first year, I discovered part of what I had been missing before part of that passion. The students. I connected with these students on a level entirely absent from my first two years of teaching. I still struggled though. I depended heavily on my ELA cohort last year and again this year. I love reading, yes. I clearly love writing. I discovered last year that I lacked the love of teaching it, that I struggled to teach the skills I knew but never remembered learning.

However, any time I had the opportunity to infuse history into my lessons, I felt alive. I felt animated and excited. When I had to teach close reading or theme or things of that nature, it felt and continues to feel almost like a chore. I found the missing part. My passion is to teach history.

I learned all that last year. I knew that for the time being, God has put me in the position to teach seventh grade English. I approached this year determined to excel at the task in front of me. That determination has not wavered. Yet, my passion for teaching history continues to grow. First, I had the opportunity to dip my toe in the water when I teach my homebound student. Then came Youth in Government and Model UN. Wow. Just recently, my students took their second quarter benchmarks, the inspiration for this post. Before the social studies benchmark, I had the opportunity to review with them before they took the test. It was so much fun! Plus, their scores on the test accurately reflect their ability level and comprehension of the subject unlike the ELA test but that’s a whole other ball of wax.

Going forward, I know the only way to make this work, my current situation that is, will be to infuse my class with as much history as I can. Then, when the choices come my way, I, to properly follow my passion, will make the ones that aren’t simply pragmatic, like in the past. If I continue making those sorts of choices, I will continue to accept work in areas outside of my passion which will serve only to add to stress and discontent. Instead, while I continue to be the best English teacher I can be, I will pursue those choices that lead me ever closer to teaching history.