“I told you so” feels like hollow victory.

For months I have watched as conspiracy theories took root in ever narrowing echo chambers. I saw how primed for a single spark this milieu became. The president delivered those words that served as the spark mere blocks from the Capitol building where Congress engaged in a formerly ceremonial procedure made political by elected representatives either living in echo chambers of their own or blinded by their thirds for power.

I never imagined that I would watch people push their way into the Capitol building, would see tear gas in the air of the Statuary where two years ago I stood with my students, would see someone bear the Confederate battle flag through the halls that this country fought a horrific war to keep out.

Then came realizations of this that I should have expected, that change has not affected. Less than two dozen people were arrested prior to the 6pm lockdown imposed by the mayor. Hardly any of them faced the resistance I saw imposed against the protests for racial justice. I heard a work colleague baselessly blame “Antifa” before casually dismissing the attack on our democracy. Only hours passed before the conspiracy theories began again, implausibly purporting that “Antifa” and “BLM” planned the whole thing to make Trump look bad. (Thankfully, this conspiracy seems to have not taken the same root as others.)

The day after, when I wrote this entry, I looked on the carnage and rubble and wondered, still wonder, how we move forward from here. I have no clear cut answers. I did what I could. I talked to my students. I told them the truth. I helped them figure out how to interpret this chaos. I let them know that I was as horrified as them. How do we move forward? I don’t know yet.