When this school year began, I had clues in abundance that I likely took on too much or at least enough to force me out of my comfort zone. Add in some important family functions and I reach yet another month where I hope that I will emerge from the “desperate dog paddle” mode. For example, in the thirteen weeks since school began, I attended Aunt Kathleen’s rehearsal dinner and wedding, mentored a teacher from another school, had sushi night with my life group, flew to Chicago for Laura’s wedding, ran a half marathon in Camden, attended a Broadway play at the Peace Center, celebrated Mom and Ellis’ birthdays, spent quite a bit of time moving, ran the Lexington half marathon, and then spent three days and two nights at the Youth in Government Conference. That’s just the weekends. During the week, I had ‘free” evenings on Monday and tuesday, class Wednesday, YIG/MUN Thursday, and then crashing on Friday.

I coul dcontinue to list additional responsibilities, the “normal” ones that come with teaching, dealing with students, leading a department, planning field trips, and other responsibilities that keep getting thrown at us as my administrator desperately attempts to cling to her job. As I mentioned to start this entry, I knew a lot of this would likely come but knowing exactly what it would feel like comes only with actually walking through it these thirteen weeks.

Old me, unmedicated me, would have panicked and succumbed to the drowning fears. old me had also not walked through the same trials and learning experiences that current me has. Through these events, God has grown me and shaped me to be more like Him. I see His hand all over the loving encouragement from my mother and sister to seek medical help for my anxiety. I know that His hand closed doors to certain opportunities while pushing me out of my comfort zone into leadership roles, leadership of adults.

If I can see His hand in all of that, I must look at all the things threatening to overwhelm me as gifts from His loving hand. God has promised that He will never give us more than we can handle. He provides strength enough for today. When I think about the difficult last class period God has given me this year, I know that He has given me the strength not just to endure but to thrive and share, by my actions, Him with these wonderful, trying students. In this difficult situation, I see God drawing me closer to complete dependence on Him. On my own strength, I could not capably teach my students, fulfill obligatory responsibilities, lead student government, lead a department, organize an after school club, plan multiple field trips, spend time with my family, and – oh – find time to sleep, all in my own strength. God has placed all of these things on my lap to make me more dependent on Him, more like Him in everything I do. Hard times will come yet God in His grace has supplied me with everything I need to not only survive but also thrive.