For weeks, months really, I have faced a dilemma when it comes to running. At almost every time throughout the day, I long for amazing running adventures and think about what I can and need to do to train harder and longer. Then, the morning comes and I struggle to find enough motivation to get out of bed. By the time I get up, I either end up skipping the workout or having to cut it short so I can still make it to work on time. (About half the time, I still manage to complete the workout as scheduled.) In this entry, I hope to dig a little deeper to reflect on this divergence and hopefully approach an answer although I may have nothing concrete when this entry ends.

I have little difficulty analyzing the desire for amazing running adventures. Nearly all I watch and read lately deals with incredible endurance events as well as the simple marathon. Learning just a few weeks ago that the Boston Athletic Association tightened qualification standards yet again because of increasing rather than decreasing interest renewed my desire to train hard for a BQ again. Thinking about that news made me reflect on how better executed training over the past year or two could have helped me qualify before the window narrowed. I also look at other ultra endurance races and long for the ability to train for and complete those excessive distances. Every time my mind goes down that path, I remember my previous struggles.

Before I analyze the struggles, I first want to identify them. One, I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I would like to say that this developed recently but I cannot remember for sure. I think that the inclination has increased as I have gotten older and after I returned to teaching. I wake up and simply want to lay there. I’m not exhausted or fatigued, I simply do not want to get out of bed. A second problem, caused primarily by the first, comes with the limited amount of time I have in the morning to squeeze in a workout before I need to leave for school. Training for longer races requires more time. THree, I feel pressured for time at the end of the day with all the responsibilities of my job, both the minimum ones with my specific position, and the additional ones that come with increased responsibility. The snowball effect frequently looms over my head. Four, the minimal time contributes to poor food choices since I have little time for prep as well as a distinct lack of imagination and creativity as I have mentioned before. Fifth, the heat affects my performance, both athletic and every day efforts, significantly. The hot weather, although somewhat abated now, continued with 80 and 90 degree days in October. I always have to factor that in when I consider future training plans. Sixth, my brain fills frequently with all the responsibilities for work leaving little to no room to plan for food and other training details.

With all of the above detailed, where does that leave me? Honestly, it renders me quite confused. Hence, this rambling post. Following the writing of the above (a few weeks lapsed between the above and the remainder of the post), I decided to set a goal to provide external motivation. If I completed every workout on my plan as well as at least four days of hip strengthening exercises per week for three weeks, I would register for my next marathon, Salt Lake City. (This marathon would serve as a lead up to the stage race potentially.) That was two weeks ago. I came closest that first week after setting the goal, derailed only by the onset of a cold and the significant sore throat that accompanied it. On top of that, I finished last week wondering about my right leg with hints or tightness reminiscent of my distal hamstring strain three years ago making me question whether I actually rehabbed and strengthened the imbalance to begin with.

ALl of this rambling leads to me to conclude that right now, I have no hard answers and likely will not. FOr someone who likes concrete indisputable facts, that answer does not satisfy. For now though, I must become comfortable with the unsure, the “in-transition” since much of my life resides there.