In past years, I have declared financial goals or entertained long-term goals like financing adoption, purchasing a home entirely in cash, or pursuing FIRE So far, nothing has stuck. In the mean time, I set short term goals like building up a six month emergency fund or financing significant international trips. These short term goals motivate for a little while until I meet that goal. Now, as I approach the culmination of one of those short term goals, my Grand European Adventure, I have started thinking about what comes next.

Recently, I have pondered the ramifications of making the plans, setting aside the money, prompted by discussions in various areas in my life from secular reading about frugality or FIRE to my work in the children’s program at church. As Christians, we are told to not make plans assuming that we have a guarantee of tomorrow. That does not mean that we do not make plans. Rather, that means that we make plans in faith in the only thing that we can always depend on, God.

Christians are also taught to exercise good stewardship over everything God has given us. We should not hoard His blessings; neither should we waste them. Rather, God has commanded us to use them wisely. In one situation that may mean going out of our way to lavish His love on someone by paying a bill for them. In another situation, stewardship might mean setting aside money to provide for a specific future need like routine medical care or the purchase of a home or other payment for a place to live. Learning how to discern between those two options challenges even the most financially savvy.

At times, I fear that choosing a specific goal to target will showcase my presumption, my foolishness. At other times, I worry that existing without a goal except to save as much as possible will cause me to miss an opportunity to minister or even become wasteful with my money. I also consider the fact that at 33, I have little in the way of retirement savings which I should keep in mind as a single, dependentless woman.

I have no concrete answers to the questions that perplex me. As I look back on my reflections in the previous paragraph, I notice the words fear and worry. The only thing God commands me to fear, or to stand in awe of, is Him. Any other fear indicates a lack of faith in the One who controls all, as does worry.

All I know right now is that God controls my finances and directs my future. He has not shown me where to direct my financial goals. For a planner like me, the uncertainty discomforts me. I long for certainty, for the concrete. The more I reflect on the financial uncertainty in my life, the more I realize that God is using this uncertainty to drive me closer to Him, the only certain thing, ever.

In time, I may formulate a long term goal. I may not. The goal does not matter. I hope and pray that the future brings me closer to God, that when I contemplate what to do next with my money, God will constantly remind me of both Who gave me the money in the first place and also who controls my path and provides the certainty I crave.