Obviously, running forms a crucial part of my life. I fell in love with it almost nine years ago and have not looked back since. For many years I chased the allure of “faster.” I hired a coach, completed the speedwork as ordered, and obsessed over every twinge, or sore muscle, coming tantalizingly close to that BQ in Rome. For a couple years after that I chased the BQ in fits and starts, eventually coming to the conclusion that right now is not the time to continue that chase.

My desire for the speed or the distance has not abated. Life circumstances, however, have pushed this desire off its selfish pedestal and helped me learn how to have a much healthier relationship with running. Instead of obsessing about workouts, mileage, and making sure to find two marathons per year, each run brings the satisfaction of a job well done.

Of course, this does not mean that I have everything figured out, not even close. I watch coverage of ironman events and the urge to get out and train returns. Every couple months, I scour the internet for races to run, longing to run all the marathons too. Then Saturday morning comes and I struggle to get out the door. My brain battles the negative thoughts of how much I have to run even though I desired that distance the night before. Each time I set out on a long run with Mom, I hope that she’ll choose the longer distance so that I will have less to run after she finishes and I head back out.

For the most part, my long run struggles do not take root in lack of fitness. The heat and humidity have factored into the perceived effort. The toll of the heat and humidity can be managed. The most significant factor is my own mind, something I should have control of.

My mental struggle with the long run should come as no surprise, especially to me. I know that my mind siphoned off motivation in the early morning and that I have put a lot into training my mind to get myself out of bed in the morning and out the door. I have not yet put this same effort into mental training during the long summer runs. That needs to change.

Last week, the first Saturday in June, my long run did not turn out as I had hoped, thus inspiring this post. I knew that I needed to get in a 20 miler since the Zermatt Marathon rapidly approached. I had been out late, for me, the night before eating with Dad to celebrate the end of a school year. Perhaps that factored in. Perhaps not. When Mom and I started I felt overwhelmed by the distance and weighed down by the humidity. We got to mile three and walked while we fueld. At that point, even though I did not want to start, I started running again. By the time we reached the next mile, I told Mom that I needed to walk each mile. She agreed so we started doing that but my mind kept fixating on how much I had to run after Mom finished. I felt drained thanks to the humidity. When the significant hills came, I walked. To make a long story short, when we reached the intersection of Howell and East North, I decided to call it a day and finish with Mom. That mental burden lifted and I found energy to power up one final hill and past our street to Starbucks. That shows howm uch power our minds have.

Thus, I decided to take advantage of the exchange offered by the Zermatt Marathon to purchase a half marathon bib. Yes, that means I pay for the same race twice. However, in these circumstances it makes more sense to run the shorter distance although still tough distance so that I can still enjoy the experience and have some time to sightsee.

Going forward, however, I want to work on my mental training. I know that this training will benefit not only my running performance but will also carry over to other areas of my life. In future months, I hope to research and implement the techniques coming back here to reflect upon and analyze the process and results.